What’s After Dark To Hold Orgy For Sexiled Students
Orgy Participants Waiting to Begin
“Our research has found significant overlap between the substance-free student who attend our events and those suffering from frequent sexile-ing,” said director of club programming Fiona McIntyre (NHS ’12). “We just want to make sure that we are doing all we can to meet the needs and desires of our target audience. We’ll still have the Wii going, of course. But for anyone who wants to, we have allocated space for any sexual endeavors people might be interested in.”
Many students of the frequently-sexiled community are already expressing excitement, including Frederick Talbot (COL’13), who said he can count the number of times he’s slept in his own bed this year on one hand.
“The common room couch has become like a second home to me. Sure, you wake up with moderate back pain some mornings, or to raucous drunk students fighting in the hallway, but it’s not that bad. It’s all part of the college experience, you know? But for just one night I wish I could be a real college kid, and I’m ecstatic that this pre-arranged fuck-fest will allow me to do that,” explained Talbot.
A press release from University President Jack DeGioia celebrated the move as a “step in the right direction” for the Georgetown community as a whole.
“Providing an outlet for the sexual frustration pent-up in these kids will do good for us all,” said DeGioia. “Boy do I wish I had this when I was a student,” he added.
Not all students are as enthusiastic for this latest addition to What’s After Dark’s programming line-up. “I’m perfectly fine with my Dungeons & Dragons and the occasional game of Risk,” said David Dinkins (COL’11) over a World of Warcraft chatroom. And they better still have the Wii on. Oh, they will? Good. Maybe I’ll stop by.”
Georgetown’s Chemistry Club, the primary sexile support group on campus, expressed their approval for the event in a recent statement by club president Xavier Nicholas (COL’10): “We’ve been hoping for something like this for a very long time. We’ve long appreciated the efforts of What’s After Dark for providing entertainment for our sexiled brethren, but never expected them to come through like this.”
While most of the Georgetown sexiled community plans on attending, the Facebook event shows that interest for the orgy has extended well beyond this demographic. Frequent sexiler Clayton Smith (MSB’13) said he will be attending the event despite the its targeted participants.
“Do you know how hard I’ve been trying to set something like this up in my own dorm room? It’s a logistical nightmare. Having someone else organize one of these things just takes all the stress out of what is supposed to be a crazy night of no-holds-barred fucking,” said Smith.
Sam Baldwin (SFS’12), however, voiced doubts about the interest in the orgy from outside the sexiled community. “It seems like we’ll have a lot of people showing up, which is great, but I was kinda hoping we’d get to have this night for ourselves. I’ve been looking forward to this night for a long time and it would be a shame if I had to spend it somewhere else because too many other kids want to have sex.”
Anticipating that the number of participants may possibly exceed the capacity of the Village C Alumni Lounge, McIntyre has also made arrangements for a designated area where students sexiled from the orgy will have sleeping amenities arranged for them.
“We are hoping to get enough couches in there straight from common rooms across campus to provide an authentic sexiled experience,” said McIntyre.
“I would hate to be sexiled twice in the same night,” responded a trembling Benjamin Killhorn (COL’12) upon hearing of the additional sexiling opportunity. Despite his fears, however, Killhorn remained optimistic about the upcoming orgy.
“I heard they might even get a few girls!” said an enthusiastic Killhorn.
