Ask a Student Whose Roommate Just Walked In On Him Masturbating

Student Whose Roommate Just Walked In On Him Masturbating

I’ve been dating the same guy since first semester freshman year and, while I really do love him, lately things have been getting a bit stale. He hasn’t done anything wrong I just don’t feel the same passion I used to. The little things that I used to love about him (like the way he laughs) now just annoy me. Is this a sign of a problem in our relationship or just a natural development after 3 years of dating? I don’t want to ditch someone I love for no reason but I also don’t want to end up stuck in a loveless relationship. What should I do?

-Baffled in Burleith

Dear Baffled,

Oh hey! Wow! [Slams laptop shut.] Whoa! Back already? [Hunches over in chair.] I didn’t hear…I thought you were supposed to be meeting with your study group for another hour. Oh…you finished early? That’s cool. Cool. Yeah I didn’t expect you back for another hour. Yeah, I was just, uh, I mean I didn’t expect you back so soon. I just….well, this may look weird, I guess. Well, it isn’t actually…you see i was just changing pants at my desk here and that’s why, uh, yeah man I really didn’t hear you at the door there.

Dear Student Whose Roommate Just Walked In On Him Masturbating,

I’m having a dilemma picking my classes for next semester. I need a class to satisfy my History requirement, and I’m trying to decide between a class that I’m genuinely interested but is going to be very difficult, and one that I couldn’t care less about but I’m sure will be an easy A. I know college is supposed to be about exploring your interests, but I’m a pre-med student so I really can’t afford the damage to my GPA. Have any advice?

-Confused in Car Barn

Dear Confused,

You really should’ve knocked man. Really should’ve knocked. Not that it matters or anything man ‘cause I was just changing or whatever but it’s just courtesy, you know? I just…I can’t believe how quiet you were in the hallway. I mean, you had to get out your keys and unlock the door and everything. I didn’t hear a thing, dude. You’re like some kind of ninja or something. It’s almost like you did it on purpose. I mean I know you didn’t but it’s almost like that. But yeah man it’s not like it’s a big deal it’s just something I noticed. I mean I wasn’t doing anything I wouldn’t want you to see I was just surprised that’s all. You walking in kinda surprised me since I had just been changing and everything. Really didn’t expect that. I already had my boxers on so it’s no big deal but can you imagine if you had walked in a few seconds earlier when I didn’t have them on yet because I was changing and everything? Man that would’ve been really embarrassing!

Dear Student Whose Roommate Just Walked In On Him Masturbating,

I’m beginning to worry about my roommate. I know there’s nothing unusual about partying and drinking in college, but I think he may be going overboard. This past weekend was the 5th time this month he couldn’t remember anything from the previous night when he woke up in the morning, and hearing him run to the bathroom to throw up has become a weekly occurrence. I’ve even caught him drinking alone during the middle of a weekday afternoon, but when I confronted him about it he just blew me off as being “too uptight.” How can I talk to him about my concerns without making him mad at me or just getting ignored?

-Nervous in New South

Dear Nervous,

Oh, yeah….no I guess sitting down at my computer is a kinda weird way to change. I was just sitting down at my desk to check something. I was just about to, uh…I was waiting for an email. What? Oh…the lotion? I was, uh, well, actually I have this rash. It’s on my thigh…but I…well I just figured it might need to be moisturized. Yeah, I was just, uh, rubbing it onto my leg when you walked in. Haha I can totally see how that might have looked weird from the wrong angle or something. But yeah, I was just rubbing it onto the rash, you know? I’m…well, I’m sure it’ll be fine I just wanted to make sure it didn’t get all dry and itchy or anything. Huh? Your shirt? Oh..sure…sorry about that. Was about to give it back to you anyway. Just wanted to check out the design so I, uh, yeah I just laid it out on my lap here. Pretty cool, man. Yeah, the Beatles are sweet. Awesome shirt. Well..here it is. Sorry, I…uh…got some lotion on it.