Thing Made More Social Justicey to Get Past Administration

REISS—Administration permission to do something some people wanted to do on Thursday was almost denied until the details were changed at the last minute to make it more social justicey.  Physics Department assistant Roy Piernick had thought getting administration approval earlier this week for a department holiday party was merely going to be a formality.  “It seemed pretty innocuous, but when I got there they just rolled their eyes and complained about how much effort it was going to take to approve this thing that didn’t even relate to our shared modern Jesuit identity,” said Piernick.  “So I made up some bullshit about giving our leftover food to the homeless and pouring our leftover alcohol in the gutter in front of the homeless to keep them from getting it and teaching them a lesson, and their eyes lit right up.”  Piernick previously had to improvise changes to a plan to use facilities for a high-energy experiment utilizing an electrode, telling administrators the electrical current would pass through a group of interlocked underprivileged middle-school students instead.