Hot Girl’s Facebook Photos Sophomore’s Only Refuge from World

Stephen Endheim

REYNOLDS—These days sophomore Stephen Endheim doesn’t have a lot going for him. After his high school girlfriend dumped him during freshman orientation, he quickly spiraled into depression, losing interest in nearly everything and cutting himself off from what friends say he described as an unjust, godless world.

According to those who live on the fourth floor of Reynolds Hall, Endheim rarely leaves his room, except occasionally to use the restrooms or to take an exam. And most say that his demeanor is inoffensive but curt; he often responds to greetings with a perfunctory hand gesture and a short, guttural sound.

But amidst the piles of Cheez-Itz, empty cans of Mountain Dew, and stale scent of utter self-contempt, Endheim has a single savior: 19-year-old sophomore Tracy Hull, a petite blonde finance major in the business school known for her taut frame, which is frequently on display in her numerous facebook albums.

“I heard him talking about this girl Tracy and I assumed they had a class together, but I don’t think he’s ever actually talked to that girl. In fact, I don’t even know if he’s seen her in real life,” said roommate Brett Stocker who added that he frequently falls asleep to the soft, evenly-paced clicking of Endheim’s mousepad as he scrolls through photos. “I’ve seen him sit there for hours, just going through them again and again. Oh man, he loves that ‘PASS OUT WITH YOUR ASS OUT. MANDY TURNS 20!!!’ album. If that chick ever restricts privileges, I…I’d be worried. I’ll leave it at that.”

Mike Dukts, who met Endheim in their freshman orientation group, remembers introducing Endheim to the striking, curvaceous Hull.

“I sent him a link to this hot picture of a girl in my bio class. Great rack. Tracy something,” said Dukts who added that he hadn’t had contact with Endheim in nearly a year. “I sent it to him second week of freshman year. I doubt he even remembers it.”

Endheim declined to be interviewed for the story, insisting he had copious amounts of work and would unlikely be able to separate himself from his studies. He emerged from his room briefly, wild-eyed and visibly upset during an announced UIS internet outage before retreating to his sanctuary on hearing the internet was back up.