Outbreak of Yellow Fever Traced to Asian Party

DARNALL—Officials from the Student Health Center have determined that an Asian American Student Association party last weekend is the source of a mass outbreak of yellow fever that has swept across Georgetown’s Caucasian population. While less than 100 students have sought treatment for the condition, administrators estimate that more than 1000 students have been affected. “There are always extreme health risks when traveling to foreign nations or interacting with new ethnic groups. It is clear that some students didn’t take the proper precautions, and the sight of numerous sweaty, drunk Asian females dancing simply overwhelmed their fragile systems,” said nurse Nancy Freeman.

Doctors at Georgetown University Hospital report that the fever is spread through the respiratory system when an infected male constantly talks about his newfound obsession for Asian women. The disease then affects the nervous system once the victim has become addicted to Asian pornography. If left untreated, the disease takes total control of the subject, and he gravitates to hentai and tentacle porn.

The university has taken drastic measures to raise awareness and contain the outbreak. The administration has quarantined affected students in a lockerroom at nearby Georgetown Visitation that is still being used by the Visitation cheerleading and swimming teams and has set up stations across campus to distribute Catholic-schoolgirl porn magazines.