FROM THE EDITOR: Helping the Administration with Disreputable Media Acquisitions
The recent news that the University forced The Hoya to remain an official part of the school for another year rather than get its long-promised independence came as a surprise to some, but not me. I mean, look at the facts. This is a school that is obsessed with their image. That’s why they don’t want to give funding to some crappy online satire magazine with two writers from a media company that won a Peabody Award this year. But when a newspaper comes along that has for multiple years in a row been protested for racial insensitivity? You can’t let that sort of platinum journalism get away from you. It’s too valuable.
The Hoya may not be happy, but what did they expect when they published all that racist material? That the image-conscious administration would distance itself from The Hoya? Give me a break. Georgetown is looking for high-quality, highly-racist newspapers in its media portfolio. When prospective students visit campus, Georgetown wants to say, “Yeah, that newspaper office that’s filled with protesters for being racially insensitive again? That’s ours.” They know college administrators around the country are fucking green with envy that Georgetown has The Hoya.
The question now though is how to acquire other disreputable publications. Georgetown can’t just stop with The Hoya. Newspapers are cheap right now. It’s the perfect time to invest more of Georgetown’s scant resources on print publications. Here’s what they should be going after next:
The Crusader
The Hoya is relatively new to the racism game, at least compared to this newspaper, one of the leading publications of the white power movement! It can’t be worth much, because it doesn’t seem to have a Web site of its own. But it already has a related TV network, WhitePride.tv, and a radio network, Storm Front Radio! This media group may be tiny, but with some money and a little modern technology know-how, this could be a true behemoth! True, they will probably be loath to sell to a Catholic, accredited university, but if Georgetown offers up some big cash, I think The Crusader can be theirs.
Barely Legal
It’s important to diversify, but it’s also important to keep your acquisitions close to what you already feature. The girls in Barely Legal are barely legal. The girls at Georgetown are barely legal. Perfect. The University can also cut overhead by not paying for models but rather getting Georgetown students to pose. How will they do that? Why, alcohol sanctions of course! Alcohol sanctions have always been the preferred method for milking free labor and fine money out of undergrads. Now they can continue the exploitation in an already pretty exploitative genre!
Ebony
It’s easy to see why Georgetown likes disreputable publications so much, but all media organizations like Georgetown University have to be careful to balance the portfolio. That’s why Ebony magazine is a good fit. As a respected publication very much in touch with the African-American experience, it’s basically the opposite of The Hoya.
There you have it! Acquire these three, and we’ll be well on our way to becoming the seedy media behemoth John Carroll set out to build!
