Archive for February, 2008
Heckler Video: GUSA Campaign 2008
FROM THE EDITOR: Todd Olson for GUSA President
(This is satire. The actual endorsement is in this month’s video.) If there’s one thing we’ve learned this year, it’s that the VP for Student Affairs is completely out of touch with the student body. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from the history of GUSA, it’s that they can’t and won’t stand up... »
Letters
Remember how we promised you a check for the last issue that we promised we would sponsor? Yeah, we’re not giving you one. Hah. That’s what you get when you try to deal with the Stewards, motherfucker! Wait, not the Stewards. We’re not the Stewards. We didn’t mean that. We’re the Georgetown Events Committee. ... »
Burglar Steals Georgetown Endowment
CAMPUS – Georgetown University’s endowment, estimated at $1.059 billion, was reported stolen from the Office of Student Affairs on January 10 of this year, according to university authorities. It could force the university to shut down until operating funds are obtained. The large stacks of cash that composed the Georgetown endowment were stored from floor... »
DeGioia Seeks Independence from University
CAMPUS – Georgetown University President Jack “If there’s grass on the field” DeGioia recently met with University administrators to discuss a potential move towards independence. DeGioia has been actively seeking independence from the University since Vice President for Student Affairs Todd Olson called him fat seven years ago. “This is about integrity. I can’t tyrannically... »
Rogue Party Patrol Charged With Assault of Piñatas
GEORGETOWN – Three Metropolitan Police Department officers were arrested yesterday and charged with first degree assault after a neighborhood party raid ended in candy-filled gore several weeks ago. MPD spokesman Dan O’Coligan refused to give the names of the officers taken into custody citing their desire for discretion in the case. The arrests concluded a... »
Bush Calls for Revamping Military After Seeing Cloverfield
CAPITOL HILL – President Bush addressed Congress today, calling on it to pass comprehensive legislation to improve our military’s preparedness. After viewing what he called “a documentary about New York City and the military’s inability to handle a massive crisis there,” the president began urging the legislature to pass a new comprehensive plan that... »
ADMINISTRATOR’S CORNER: Todd Olson’s Craigslist Entry
ESSAY: On Hanging Flags Outside One’s Window
I had to write a 3-5 reflection paper because I had a flag hanging outside my window in Copley. They also gave me 10 hours of community service. They said that the flag was a “Fire Hazard.” The reflection paper is as follows: I have a grudging respect for those rules involving... »
