ADMINISTRATOR’S CORNER: I Am Not a Member of the Vampire Race!

Monday, November 12, 2007
By Spiros Dimolitsas, Senior Vice President and Chief Operating Officer
Spiros Dimolitsas, Senior Vice President and Chief Operating Officer

Spiros Dimolitsas, Senior Vice President and Chief Operating Officer

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I get it. Hah hah hah. Funny fucking joke. Yep, I have fangs. I sleep in a coffin. I work nights, sleep days. I subsist on blood. I have a unibrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, REAL FUNNY, THAT makes me a vampire, you guys are totally right, I’M A GODDAMN VAMPIRE.

You guys, it’s not fair. Every year, Halloween rolls around and everyone in the administration is like, ohh Spiros, I wonder what you’re gonna dress up as, not a vampire, right? No, I’m not going as a vampire. I have never dressed up as a vampire, nor have I ever been a vampire. I find this whole thing demeaning.

YESSSSS, I drink blood. Oh no, you guys, that’s soooo fucking scary. Somebody fucking call DPS, this guy drinks blood. You drink Coke, I prefer blood. Whatever. Last time I checked, DeGioia said we were supposed to be supporting fucking pluralism at this university. You guys don’t seem very supportive.

You know what, I’m going to work 9-5 one day, eat like turkey sandwiches or something, and sleep on one of your guys’ couches just so you guys can fucking see that I’m not a vampire. The way I live my life is a goddamn lifestyle choice, not something I’m forced to do by my admittedly unquenchable thirst for human blood.