Georgetown Anarchist Club Begins, Chaos Ensues

CAMPUS – The Georgetown University Anarchist Club (GUAC) had been planning its debut for months, focusing especially on recruiting. “It was hard not to notice us at the SAC fair,” said club un-leader, Kay Oz (COL ’09). “We were the guys with no table, flyers, or cohesive plan. We just randomly wandered through the fair yelling at people to join. I think it really showed what we’re all about.”

But tragedy struck last week when GUAC sabotaged its own initial meeting. GUAC had not planned a first meeting, deeming such planning to be “too compulsory.”  However, when several members accidentally appeared in a Darnall common room and began discussing anarchist thought, the club felt it necessary to take action to break up the gathering. Within minutes of the opening of their first ever meeting, the radicals had begun destroying everything in sight, eventually setting fire to the room.  The meeting ended in total chaos, with most members fleeing towards the information session for The Georgetown Heckler, pushing interest in the periodical into double digits.

Opinions of the event varied among club members. “We had to prevent such order from seeping into our vision of anarchy. It was the only way,” stated supposed member May Lei (SFS ’11). Others did not view the attack with the same attitude. “If we break things up every time any of us meet, how can we ever band together to break up larger stuff?” exclaimed Ray Decal (COL ’10), who was then kicked out of the club for heresy. Oz, however, was optimistic: “I think it shows how committed to anarchy we actually are, that we banded together for the common cause of stopping meetings. I’d like to see more of that in the future.”

University administrators dismissed concerns about the club’s activities, saying “Don’t you people have anything better to do than pester us with your trivial jokes?  Who reads this crap?!” Darnall residents were very pleased, however. “The Anarchist Club really did us a favor at their last meeting, destroying pretty much all of the common room and scorching parts of the hallway,” said resident advisor Polly Tee (NHS ’10). When asked to elaborate, she sighed. “Well, after all, it’s Darnall. It’s not like it’s going to get any worse. Plus, they might install wi-fi now.”

While the future of GUAC remains in doubt, members seemed hopeful that the club would continue to offer a structureless environment for those who want to break down the governmental structure. Said Oz, “Some people wish to see our club become more organized, offer actual meetings and whatnot, but that would be a compromise of our values. I promise you that our association will continue to be the unblemished, authoritative group on opposing authority.”