FROM THE EDITOR: The Barbaro Generation

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They say that each generation has an event that defines it. For a long time it seemed that our generation would forever be enshrouded in the veil of 9/11 and the tragic events of that day. All the pundits have said that 9/11 changed everything. I believe Rudy Giuliani said it best when he said, “9/11 9/11 9/11. 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11. September 11th. Fire fighters. 9/11.” But a little more than five years later, on January 29th, 2007, another colossal American landmark fell, Barbaro. 1/29. 1+2+9=12×2 (the number of eyes Barbaro had)= 24-1(the number of times he died)= The Number 23. Now do you understand why we needed to make our issue a Barbaro tribute issue? We decided that there was no other way we could express our inconsolable grief at the loss of so marvelous a creature. There is perhaps no greater tribute than the repeated photoshopping of one’s face into historically famous photos. If Barbaro were alive today, I’m sure this is what he’d have wanted, although he might also have wanted us not to kill him. But probably the photoshop stuff first.

For many of you, Barbaro was just a stupid horse who ran a few races, broke his leg and was naturally injected by a manmade death concoction. But for us here at The Heckler, Barbaro horsonified everything that is great in Americans. He was completely oblivious to the world around him, unable to utter even the simplest of phrases. When he wasn’t running in circles like an idiot, he was eating or defecating, and far off in the future after he retired he hoped to get laid. That was his life, and it was beautiful. Now that we’ve lost such a great American, many wonder if we can ever go on, and the short answer is no.

Fortunately the long answer is, no, oh wait, yes of course we can cause it was just a stupid fucking horse who never did anything at all and didn’t even die a tragic death. WE CHOSE TO KILL HIM. Frankly, we were just impressed that Tom Delay was able to restrain himself this time.

But I’ve gone on long enough. Without any further ado, I give you The Heckler Tribute Issue: Barbaro Edition. Let us remember him as a sign of the frailty of life and our own inevitable, impending mortality. But let us also remember his giant horse cock.

P.S. If at any time during this issue you are offended, you may challenge one of our staff to a duel. Pistols at dawn.