College Republicans To Host ‘Take Back Georgetown’s Gays’
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The Georgetown University College Republicans announced that they will sponsor a campus-wide event known as “Take Back Georgetown’s Gays,” which they hope will eventually lead to the ousting of homosexual students from the school, and ultimately the world.
TBGG is scheduled for February 28th of this year and is part of the larger Fight Against Gays (FAG) sponsored by the Christian Coalition’s Pat Roberston and supported by innumerable members of the Christian Right.
The event will include activities such as gay bashing, a fun and harmless game in which flamboyant homosexual males pop out of small circles only to be smashed in the face by a giant mallet similar to the timeless game whack-a-mole. There will also be several vigils and prayer sessions asking for Jesus Christ the Savior to swoop down from heaven in a fiery rage and decapitate all those who fornicate with others of the same sex. “It should be good fun,” said Gilbert R. Richards III, president of the College Republicans.
The College Republicans have also invited notable speakers including Rev. Jerry Falwell who is known for such quotes as “AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals,” as well as many more progressive, informed, and highly productive statements. Other speakers include James Dobson, from Focus on the Family, evangelist Billy Graham, and author David Sedaris. “We believe Sedaris was a clerical error,” said a spokesman for TBGG who added that most likely they were looking for David Duke.
Some student organizations have already filed complaints with the school about the event calling it “bigoted and exactly the opposite of what we should be promoting at a school like Georgetown,” according to Sean Jilter of Georgetown’s Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender-Questioning-Closted-Not-Closeted-Might-Be-Gay-Definitely-Not-Gay-Or-Am-I (LGBTQCNCMBGDNGOAI), the campus’ gay and lesbian support group. Others that have opposed the event include the Georgetown Democrats, who few knew even existed, and other crazy leftist-commie anti-American groups.
In response to criticism, the College Republicans released a statement saying, “It’s not so much that we don’t like gays as much as we want them to return to the fiery depths of hell from whence they came to mock Christ and all that He stands for. Praise Jesus.”
Planners for the event have so far refused to comment on certain listed activities for the day such as “Puppy Punting” and “Punching Minority Babies in the Face.” Individuals close to the organization say the names of the events are misleading.
College Republicans are excited for the upcoming day, which they feel will bring back solidarity to the Conservative movement and show administrators that the school’s agenda and faculty, which is overhwelmingly liberal, should reflect the student body and its agenda. “We want more Bill O’Reilly’s and shorter MLK celebrations.”
“Overall we look forward to a gay event,” said Richards III. “And by that I mean happy and joyous not the other meaning that they [homosexuals] have stolen from us and used to describe their sick and Godless lifestyle.”
