Heckler Profile: The McMullet

We all remember the mullet, an archetypal haircut populating the chosen few in high school and beyond: business up front, but party out back.

University seniors know the philosophy all too well: slaving over that Blackstone or Georgetown Law application (business), while throwing down some Jacky D. and washing it away with Blue Moon (party), the
creeping professional world crashes even the most boozed-up lingerie parties. But it is this combination, a Platonic balance even, of pleasure and power that separates from the masses those who can carry the mullet
proudly. These men, the elect, walk among us and one has even graced our pastoral hilltop campus.

His name is not like those of old: expect no Sophocles here good friends! No, ours is a man of humble stature though of loftiest mind, a man of eloquence but not abstinence. A man you may know as Tommy  McMullins. Tommy who slaves over the LSATS, Tommy who sends resumes to Goldman’s, Tommy who mails Cover Letters to Morgan Stanley, and Tommy who sends his soul – his very soul! – to us in what the bards of old have called: “a haircut that is short in the front, on the top, and on the sides, but long in the back.” Long in the back! How the words breathe sweet poetry.

Now, there are the detractors, those insidious a-holes who cannot comprehend the mullet’s mysteries: these men, such as Wesley Willis who in “Cut the Mullet” sang, “Take your ass to the Barber Shop…Tell the Barber you’re sick of looking like an asshole,” would never – no…no…could never grow a mullet.

Willis died 21 August 2003, the very day, 5000 years ago, on which Hera, Greek Goddess of hair, first revealed the mullet to simple man. Coincidence? You decide.

So heres to Tommy and his brave compatriots who cry out in the night, “For God, for Country, for Georgetown and for the Mullet.”