MPD Arrests 24 Students and 1 Overzealous Mother During Parents’ Weekend

Twenty-Four Georgetown students were detained recently in the latest of a series of Senior Parents’ Weekend arrests that left many students shocked and embarrassed. One Georgetown student’s mother was also taken into custody after events that the police have described as “sobering”. The mother of Sarah Swanson (MSB ’05), Mrs. Renata Swanson of Connecticut, is the first person over the age of forty and making over $100,000 dollars a year to be arrested within a four-block radius of campus. According to Advisory Neighborhood Commissioner Brian Kipland (COL ’05), the student arrests, which involved possession of an open container, public urination, possession of cocaine and simple assault, “had nothing” on the behavior of an over-excited Swanson.

The “rampage of awkwardness”, as some witnesses have dubbed it, began at The Tombs when Swanson had finished her third Mind Eraser and noted “This is soooooooo good. You girls must come here all the fucking time, right”? The scene deteriorated even more when Swanson, a Merlot in one hand and the crotch of a Tombs bartender in the other, screamed, “It only gets better with age! Am I right”?

The actual arrest was made at on off-campus house on Prospect Street. Swanson found her daughter at the location an hour after the senior accounting major had left The Tombs. Tom Davenport (COL ’05), a witness at the after-party, reported that Swanson entered the party, performed several “cottage cheese thigh keg stands” in a skirt that was much to short for her, and attempted to bring three of his friends “upstairs”. Police swarmed the house after an anonymous tip reported several occurrences lewd conduct and sodomy.

Swanson was taken into custody shortly thereafter. A statement taken by police at the scene records Swanson promising to “call her peeps tomorrow to see what’s poppin’ after the auction”. She also added, “Lates y’all”.