OP-ED: A Senior’s Advice to a Freshman

In just over three months I will graduate from Georgetown University, only to begin a summer of waiting tables, writing screenplays, and eventually starring in my own Oscar-worthy film. Yes, it will be a busy summer, but while I have a minute I thought I could impart upon my brethren in the Class of 2008 some of the worldly wisdom I picked up in my college career.

1. You probably won’t feel as smart as the guy/girl who raises his/her hand in class every day, but you most certainly are. In fact, you’re even smarter than that bastard/bitch.
2. Don’t make fun of The Chimes. They kicked my ass sophomore year.
3. Professors do not appreciate revealing clothing. If you are ugly.
4. Study abroad if you can, but if not, have fun with no friends here at school
5. Don’t feel bad if you withdraw from one class during your four years, but withdraw from two or more and you are a total loser.
6. Work at an RHO. You get paid to do nothing.
7. Make Jeff Green your new hero.
8. Have sex in Dahlgren Chapel. Everyone does it once!
9. Have sex with Jack the Bulldog. Everyone does it once!
10. Make sure you don’t write for The Georgetown Heckler.