Mike Rotch Chosen by Iraq

The Iraqi elections on Sunday were plagued by low voter turnout and numerous candidates who abandoned their campaigns out of fear for their lives. In fact, turnout was so low that the election rested solely on the shoulders of a small Iraqi fringe group calling itself al-Apu. Less than thirty members strong, this small group of mostly teenaged males led a successful write-in campaign for their candidate. Ardent patriots by day, avid Simpsons fans by night, they are the Iraqi equivalent of the soccer mom. While they originally expressed skepticism as to whether their voice would be heard, they were delighted that their candidate won

In a landmark event for global democracy, Mike Rotch was selected as a write-in candidate out of a field of hundreds of nominees. While his candidacy was neglected by the mainstream media, he was known to a select few voters as an imposing member. Able to fill any cavity in the Iraqi governing body, Mike Rotch is sure to fit in well with the Iraqi political scene, according to his biggest supporters. Despite initial difficulties at finding a political opening big enough, and disobeying advice to pull-out early, Mike Rotch made great headway into the virgin landscape of Iraqi democracy, emerging victoriously.

As expected, the Sunni minority was horrified to see the sight of Mike Rotch appointed to a place deep within the young Iraqi nation. Protesters kicked and burned Mike Rotch in effigy to express their outrage. This dangerous outburst has made it impossible for Mike Rotch to show himself in public. In fact, few people have ever seen Mike Rotch. (Although rumors have it that there are several photos floating around on the internet) And while no one has been able to locate Mike Rotch, presumably because he has shrunk away due to the cold weather, he is likely to turn up at the sight of his running mate, Hugh Jass.

Upon hearing the results of the election, the Bush and Dick Cheney administration issued a statement. “Today’s election illustrates how we have created a democracy in Iraq where people can be elected even if they have stupider names than ours.”