Since first grade, we’ve all had to experience those tedious English classes on rules of grammar with the teacher using those crazy words like “noun,” “verb,” and “participial phrase.” Well apparently some girls were far too busy feeding their Tamagotchis and playing with their snap bracelets to learn the essentials. I know some readers... »
Archive for December, 2004
OP-ED: You Talk Like an Idiot so Get Out of My Bed
Monday, December 6th, 2004
An Excerpt from Chief Powhatan’s Diary
Monday, December 6th, 2004
Thursday, November 25, 1681 Dear Kitty, The white man invited us over for dinner today. Or should I say, the white man invited us over to make dinner today. Ungrateful bastard. Ok. Ok. The conversation was generally nice. I mean, I don’t have a clue what the fuck he is saying,... »
China Frees Tibet, Thanks to U.S. College Students Everywhere
Monday, December 6th, 2004
In a stunning act of political about-face sure to resonate the world over, China freed Tibet yesterday from its steely, oppressive Democratic People’s death grip. The move, universally heralded with surprise and glee, was wholly unforeseen by the international community and met with shock even in Tibet. When asked about the sudden change of... »
Student Avoids Sitting Next to Scary Man
Monday, December 6th, 2004
Last Wednesday, during his very crowded train trip home for Thanksgiving, Tom Davenport (COL ’06) successfully avoided sitting next to the scary man. Davenport thought he could avoid the holiday rush by leaving at this time, but his train had in fact sold out minutes after the student bought his unreserved ticket. ... »
More Headlines
Monday, December 6th, 2004
Ukraine Returns To Feudal System Wisey’s Bum Hosts Thanksgiving Dinner For Students Halo 2 Almost Makes Gaming Cool, Almost CIA Losing More Staff than a Castrated Horse Bush Spots Condoleezza Rice for Bench Press PR Clinton Library Features Burlesque on Lower Level »
Interview: Ann Coultier: An Exposé on Douchebaggery
Monday, December 6th, 2004
Recently, I had the opportunity to sit down and interview Ann Coultier, author of Ted Kennedy is a Soulless Flesh Eating Satyr from Hell. Our interview began when I asked Ms. Coultier what she wanted to drink. Over the next two hours and twenty three minutes, my life disintegrated into chaos and pain. The... »
Campus Cannibalism Over Thanksgiving, International Students in Custody
Monday, December 6th, 2004
In a bizarre and horrific incident over the long holiday weekend, three international students are left dead and two remain in custody after a bizarre cannibalism incident in the LXR dormitory. Initial reports indicate that the three students were allegedly killed and eaten when the group began to starve over the holiday weekend.... »
OP-ED: Folks, It’s Spelled “Definitely”
Monday, December 6th, 2004
In my time at the Heckler, I have tried to stick to hard-nosed, objective, investigative journalism, but today I feel it my duty to write from the heart. To all of you so-called “educated” Georgetown students, here is a newsflash for you. The word is spelled “definitely”. NOT “definately”. So... »
Recommended Courses for Spring 2005
Monday, December 6th, 2004
ARAB-272/CULP-272 From Raghead to Camel Jockey: A Study of Epithets Just because they were more advanced at one time than Europe, does not mean we cannot study the belittling of the ‘dune coons.’ With viewings from such films as ‘The Big Lebowski’ and “Three Kings” and readings from diaries and political writings, this course... »
