Harvard to Sue Georgetown for Use of Word “University”

Ivy League intellectuals and liberal crackpots of Harvard have willingly joined forces to file a law suit against Georgetown claiming that Georgetown has been illegally using the word “university” for the past 153 years. When asked if Harvard has anything better to do with its time than sue us, president Lawrence Summers replied, “No, we really don’t. We’re already Harvard. Our endowment is like… a gazillion dollars. We can buy 45 countries in cash, but hiring lawyers and harassing you guys over stupidity is just more fun.” In an effort to explain the grounds for the disgracefully pointless waste of time, Summers went on to say, “People call us Harvard University. They call us Harvard, and they call us University. We were here first! It’s our word, now give it back!!” After throwing a short, child-like temper tantrum during which his diploma from Boston’s Bunker Hill Community College fell to the floor, Summers regained control and threatened to sue if questions did not stop immediately.

Georgetown president Jack DeGioia has expressed frustration with the petty, arrogant, and relatively nerd-filled Harvard administration. Asked to comment DeGioia exclaimed, “These people need to realize that you can’t just own a word! It doesn’t even make sense to think that you can. Ya know, we have a law school too! This shit won’t fly!” Members of the obviously more logical Georgetown administration fear a slippery slope effect: “Next thing you know, they’ll be suing us over using the word ‘square.’” Georgetown students share DeGioia’s sentiments. Chris Phillips (SFS 07) seemed amazed at the thought of such a suit, saying, “Wouldn’t that be like the New York Times trying to change the Washington Times, or the Post doing the same thing. I’m no fancy high priced lawyer, but I don’t think that’s right. One anonymous Georgetown Law School student assessed Harvard’s case by quietly shaking his head, adding, “Wow… fucking losers.”