Archive for September, 2004

Student Drops Class after Seeing Teacher’s Penis in Yates Locker Room

Monday, September 20th, 2004

Jeff Swanson (SFS 05) dropped his seminar in the Economic History of Eastern Europe after seeing his teacher naked in the men’s locker room at Yates Field House. “I had just finished playing an intramural basketball game and was walking to my locker when I saw Professor Grimaldi strutting around, naked as the... »

Neutral Bumper Stickers

Monday, September 20th, 2004
Neutral Bumper Stickers

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Republican Party Supports Gay Divorce

Monday, September 20th, 2004

In a startling press conference this week, the GOP has stated,despite its past indictment of gay marriage, it has no problems with gay divorce. Tom Davenport, raging Republican, made this revelation known last Friday in Washington. “The Republican Party’s new compassionate conservatism platform gives us some leeway in this area. We... »

OP-ED: Sorry Doesn’t Bring My Virginity Back

Monday, September 20th, 2004

Oh Jackie, remember when we sat beneath the stars on the Leavey Esplanade and talked until the sun crested over the treetops in the east? You told me so many sweet and exciting things. Things that I wished I could just replay over and over again in my head. Do you... »

Wingos Introduces New Hot Sauce

Monday, September 20th, 2004

Popular Georgetown takeout joint Wingos has always been known for their impressive line of hot sauces that truly knock your socks off. But this week, owner and co-founder Darryl Jenkins announced the newest and by far most lethal of all the Wingos hot sauces. The ultra spicy “Rwandan Genocide” will be much... »

Georgetown University No Longer Responsible For Lost or Stolen Virginities

Monday, September 20th, 2004

In an emergency press conference held in Gaston Hall on Sunday, Georgetown University administrators officially announced to an audience filled with students, professors, and members of the media that the university will no longer be responsible for lost or stolen virginities. Holding a box labeled “lost and found,” President Jack DeGioia then began... »

Swift Truth Veterans for Boats Attack Bush and Kerry

Monday, September 20th, 2004

A group called Swift Truth Veterans for Boats recently published several commercial advertisements attacking both the Bush and Kerry campaignsfor using only cars, buses, trains, and planes to travel the country spreading their messages. Men and women from a dozen coastline states have gathered in meeting halls since July to protest what they... »

More Headlines

Monday, September 20th, 2004

Stop Going to the Tombs So it isn’t Crowded When I Go Darryl Strawberry to Release LIVESTRAW Anklets to Support Drug Habit Dear ‘Movie Mayhem Fines Department’, GET OFF MY BACK! UG Announces ‘Coffee Flip Cup’ Tournament, Fridays at 10 PM NBC’s Joey Makes me Feel Uncomfortable US Army Replaces Purple Heart with Chartreuse Kidney »

OP-ED: Theme Parties: You Know You Want to

Monday, September 20th, 2004

As the fall semester at Georgetown swings into full gear, young men everywhere welcome the return of ‘Theme Party’ Season. While it is sad to watch miniskirts and tank tops vanish as temperatures drop, theme parties and their dress codes fail to constrain to even the coldest of nights. The theme party... »