Worthless New South Space Renovated

Worthless Space Now Open

The doors of the newly renovated basement space in the New South dormitory were triumphantly thrown open to a group of confused and disappointed students recently. The former cafeteria space is now open to such useless endeavors as the Hoya Dance Team and the Georgetown University Step Team.

Tom Davenport (CAS ‘05) was one of the many confused spectators at the “Grand Opening” of the New South basement space. Davenport remarked, “Wait, so in the past 8 months they just took out all of the tables? Cool… I guess.”

However, Vice President of Student Affairs Todd Olson thought that the open New South space was a terrific improvement over the previously closed space. At the ribbon cutting ceremony, Olson announced, “Today is a great day for all Georgetown students. This space, which formerly housed an inadequate cafeteria, can now be used by anyone who likes to dance in a giant empty room.”

“In deciding what to do with this space, my office listened to the students. The resounding opinion that we heard throughout campus was that students wanted a new inadequate cafeteria and a warehouse-like empty space beneath a freshman dorm.”

The New South basement space will now be constantly patrolled by DPS to ensure the safety of the University’s most precious resources: empty space and the gift of dance.