POINT / COUNTERPOINT: Your Reign Over Iraq Represented Some of the Most Heinous Crimes Against Humanity in History VS. It’s OK, I Had Subway for Lunch
Your Reign Over Iraq Represented Some of the Most Heinous Crimes Against Humanity in History
By Ahmed Chalabi, Member, Iraqi Governing Council
Saddam Hussein, your tenure as dictator of Iraq was soaked with the blood of the innocent. In your
war with Iran from 1980 to 1988, you used chemical weapons, summarily executed thousands of
prisoners-of-war, and committed other unspeakable war atrocities.
In 1988, you killed roughly 100,000 and displaced nearly one million Kurds. In addition to the Kurds, you massacred, imprisoned, or tortured hundreds of thousands of Shia Muslims in northern Iraq, Marsh Arabs in southern Iraq, and ethnically cleansed “Persians” and other non-Arabs. Your rule has been a horrific catalogue of evil against humanity and God.
It’s OK, I Had Subway for Lunch
By Saddam Hussein, Vicious Tyrant
Sure, I gassed the Kurds, invaded Kuwait, and inflicted countless horrors on my own people. But it’s OK; I had Subway for lunch. With Subway, you can feel good about being good, and OK about being inhumanly evil.
The Kurds? They were thieves. Nonetheless, I’m sure many of them compensated for their behavior with tasty Red Wine Vinagerette Turkey Subs: less than six grams of fat! (Six inch sub, no cheese, mayo, extra meat) Once the Kurds went on the Subway diet, I could fit twice as many of them into rather small gas chambers!
Just ask my sons, Uday and Jared. They’re not dead. They just lost so much weight on the Subway Atkins diet that nobody recognizes them anymore. They tortured hundreds of Iraqis, from political
dissidents to underachieving athletes. Don’t worry, it’s OK; they ate the Subway’s Atkins Friendly Turkey Bacon Ranch wrap, which cuts out carbs just like Uday and Jared would cut out the intestines of a still-living student activist.
I’m not that bad. Kim “Extra Cheese” Jong Il and the Big Mac Ayatollah? Now they’re bad, but not me. When you eat fresh, it’s OK to belong to the Axis of Evil.
