Helicopter Crash in Iraq Claims 7 Lives

High Score Obtained

Tragedy struck again this afternoon in Iraq when an OH-58 Kiowa Warrior helicopter went down near the northern city of Mosul. Two pilots and five Marines onboard have been confirmed dead by Coalition authorities.  According to witnesses, the crash was caused by several large green blocks seemingly suspended in mid-air.  After making a number of evasive maneuvers to avoid the pixelated objects, the helicopter apparently lost  altitude and crashed.

While Coalition official Paul Bremer admitted they did not yet know the precise cause of the crash, he expressed anger at the possibility that insurgents caused the fatal accident.  “We don’t know how those blocks got there, but you can be sure that we’re going to find out, and those responsible will be punished severely.”  So far, there have been no arrests in connection with the incident, although similar rectangular blocks have been reported in airspace outside of Tikrit and Baghdad.

The Kiowa went down while carrying out a mission to beat the previous high score of 955 points.  That score
had, in fact, been surpassed at the time of the crash with a new high score of 1140 points.  In his last radio transmission, the pilot requested that the initials SEX accompany the high score.  The Marines in back could be
heard chuckling in response immediately before their aircraft exploded in a searing ball of flame.  The men aboard are being lauded as heroes for their efforts and no further attempts at the high score are being planned.  “I think it’s only right that we let this score stand for the ages as a testament to the courage and fortitude of these men,” said a tearful Sgt. Tom Krepman.

This was not the first high score-related accident to happen to Coalition troops since the start of the war. Several Army minesweepers were killed in July when they foolishly attempted Expert mode at the goading of fellow soldiers who claimed that any mine count under 99 was “purely amateur”.  The Coalition Provisional Authority has since prohibited all minesweeping save a few pre-approved configurations in Custom mode, which are “totally lame” according to Pvt. Phil Winters, “I can beat it in, like, 5 seconds.”