2003 was a year ripe with social, economic, and political turmoil. In all the madness, one literary beacon of wisdom shone through the darkness, a constant in a time of great uncertainty. It was not such respected publications as The Economist, Newsweek, or even Hustler who captured the nation’s hearts, minds, and... »
Archive for February, 2004
YEAR OF THE HECKLER: The Inaugural Year in Review
Sunday, February 1st, 2004
POINT / COUNTERPOINT: Your Reign Over Iraq Represented Some of the Most Heinous Crimes Against Humanity in History VS. It’s OK, I Had Subway for Lunch
Sunday, February 1st, 2004
Your Reign Over Iraq Represented Some of the Most Heinous Crimes Against Humanity in History By Ahmed Chalabi, Member, Iraqi Governing Council Saddam Hussein, your tenure as dictator of Iraq was soaked with the blood of the innocent. In your war with Iran from 1980 to 1988, you used chemical weapons, summarily executed thousands of prisoners-of-war, and... »
OP-ED: Wearing Your Collar Down is for Poor People
Sunday, February 1st, 2004
When my ancestors came over to this great country 400 years ago, they had a vision for a utopia, free from minorities, liberals, poor people, homosexuals, and immigrants. There are few today who share such lofty ideals, but we’re easy to find: Pastel polo shirts, loafers without socks, tucked-in shirts, but most importantly, collars... »
Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions for Georgetown Students
Sunday, February 1st, 2004
10. Vomit less often after drinking 9. Vomit more often after eating 8. Stop killing hookers 7. Construct chicken madness effigy of Craig Esherick, eat it 6. Obtain copy of legendary Madeleine Albright sex tape 5. Receive more fellatio 4. Convince cheerleading squad to lift restraining order 3. Become Grand Wizard of something 2. Adhere to Megan’s law and introduce self to... »
DeGioa Calls for Castration of All Jesuits
Sunday, February 1st, 2004
Today, Georgetown President Jack “Giggles” DeGioa shocked a press conference audience when he called for the prompt castration of all Jesuits employed by the University. The seemingly unprompted plan, which Dr. DeGioa has named “GU: The U is for Eunich”, is largely due to the recent outpouring of allegations against Catholic priests across America. President DeGioa spoke candidly... »
Helicopter Crash in Iraq Claims 7 Lives
Sunday, February 1st, 2004
Tragedy struck again this afternoon in Iraq when an OH-58 Kiowa Warrior helicopter went down near the northern city of Mosul. Two pilots and five Marines onboard have been confirmed dead by Coalition authorities. According to witnesses, the crash was caused by several large green blocks seemingly suspended in mid-air. After making a number... »
OP-ED: Hey, You’re Ugly
Sunday, February 1st, 2004
Hey random-chick-who’s-staring-at-me-during-Finance, you’re freakin’ ugly. Cut it out. I mean, granted, this class blows and I’d rather be thinking about pretty much anything in the world. But that certainly doesn’t include you. I understand what you’re trying to do. You look at me and think, “Hey, that’s a fine piece of man.” It makes sense. ... »
