Pope “Totally Stoked” for Road Trip to Georgetown

This afternoon, Pope John Paul II told a crowd of reporters in Rome that he was “totally stoked” for an upcoming Papal visit to Georgetown. Said the Pope “It’s gonna be so sweet. My bro’ Father McDoogle, he goes there. We played lax together back at St. Paul’s. He’s totally chill.”

When asked to elaborate on the purpose for the trip, the Pope responded, “Father McDoogle, he’s a member of this totally awesome frat, the Jesuits. They’re fucking crazy! Only dudes I’ve ever met that play Beirut with communion wine. They just got this new frat house too, so they’re going to throw a completely nasty “Dirty Professors and Naughty School Girls” party that weekend. It’s gonna’ be so sweet—tuna everywhere.”

When further pressured by reporters, the Pope responded, “Yeah, I’m meeting with President Bush and the new Cardinal of DC, but that’s all just an excuse for the Vatican to pick up the tab for my flight. I mean, come on. Rome’s totally off the hook, but the scene gets old after a while. I need to take a breather, you know dog?”

Continued the Pope: “Oh shit, I’m meeting with John Ashcroft at 8 am Saturday morning! I’m gonna’ be wicked hung-over; Jesus Christ that’s going to be a long prayer breakfast.”

The Pope announced that he’ll be leading a special mass at Georgetown’s own Dahlgren Chapel. Afterward the Pope will visit an orphanage in Southeast, shop for lobster pants on M St. and “hopefully piece a few Visitation nuns. Everybody knows those sluts throw leg.”

His Holiness ended the press conference by flipping his Papal visor upside-down and backward and muttering, “I’m out of here, bro’. Peace.”