North Korea Threatens to Drop F-Bombs

PYONGYANG, North Korea – In another act of defiance against international demands that it open its borders to U.N. weapons inspectors, North Korea announced today that it would “definitely consider” dropping F-bombs should the United States continue its aggressive behavior.

Foreign analysts predict this will have a particularly negative impact on the already unstable diplomatic process with multilateral talks looming in the coming weeks. According to sources, North Korea has the capability to develop a fully functioning F-bomb by January. Furthermore, recent satellite reconnaissance photos reveal a facility outside the industrial city of Shingishu suspected of mass-producing the letter K.

U.S. and South Korean officials are working hard to avoid a stand-off on the scale of the Cuban missile crisis, in which Soviet Premier Nikita Kruschev came precariously close to calling President Kennedy’s mother a “gin-swilling whore”.