Nationwide Department stores recently released this year’s Halloween costume line and the results look terrorific! Leading off for this year’s lineup is the long awaited “sniper” costume. Now even the youngest children can strike fear in the hearts of older siblings with genuine replica “sniper” apparel including: one ski mask, one Vietnam... »
Archive for October, 2003
New “Sniper” Costume Just in Time for Halloween
Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
Index Cards, Highlighters, Crotchless Panties?
Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
The Georgetown University Bookstore has announced a new line of sex products in order to boost sales. Bill Wagner, managing director, decided this summer that his bookstore had offered virtually every item possible, but nothing that could be used in the bedroom. So now, if you venture to the second floor of... »
Student Movement Forms Over Heckler’s Obscenity Usage
Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
An angry, unsmiling mob of approximately 13 students held a march today from the Healy gates to Heckler Editor Bea Arfur’s Henle residence. Once assembled in the fishbowl, a student by the name of Anita Ensahumor addressed the crowd through a mega-phone. The following is an excerpt from the speech: “The usage of... »
OIP Rejects Study Proposal for Northern Idaho Tech
Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
In this season of study abroad applications and deadlines many students are pushed beyond the normal stress load of the academically rigorous Georgetown curriculum. Juniors have compared the study abroad application process to that of applying to Georgetown just three short years ago. An OIP representative warns, “Just because you got in to... »
More Headlines
Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
GU Dyslexics Prepare to Commemorate 11/9 Georgetown Freshman Discovers He’s a Failure GU Sophomore caught in Dodgeball Crossfire at Neighborhood Elementary School’s Recess Exclusive! RHO Delivers Package in a Timely Fashion! GUTS Bus Driver Looks Suspiciously like Jared of Subway Fame Darnall Hall Rejected As Possible Homeless Shelter »
Grammy Winner McFerrin Added to Staff; Nothing Changes
Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
For years, Georgetown has been known as an academic powerhouse across the nation. Unfortunately it has never been known for its creativity. Grammy winning singer/song-writer Bobby McFerrin is the latest addition to the faculty of the department of Art, Music and Theater. Georgetown hired now Professor McFerrin in the hopes of boosting the reputation... »
Angry Elderly Petition for a Georgetown Grand-Parents Weekend
Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
Ethel Berman, 96, as frail as a cookie just out of the oven, was turned away from Georgetown’s rusty front gates this past weekend after attempting to pass herself off as a parent and gain access into the coveted Parent’s weekend. This rejection spawned an unexpected campaign to create a new arbitrary and unimportant... »
Girls Need to Close their Door
Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
According to several residents of LXR’s ground floor, the females living in LXR G-819 need to keep their door closed. The inhabitants’ constant propping of their own room’s door has caused an array of problems for the other members of the ground floor community. “Every time I walk by they have their fucking door open.... »
B-FONY Club Re-Assembles for 9th Straight Year
Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
Two weeks ago the mostly inactive B-FONY club convened in Leavey for what is likely to be their first and last meeting of the year. B-FONY, which stands for Bandwagon Fans of New York is a club composed of mostly Jersey students and those annoying kids who are from “the city,” which more... »
CEO of the Corp Indicted on Federal Savings and Loans Fraud
Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
In yet another round of federal inquiries four more corporate executives have come under fire from the FCC. Sparked by New York State Attorney General Elliot Spitzer’s probe in early March, a federal indictment has been handed down to the CEO of four Washington companies. Among them is the chief executive of the... »
