Heckler Founder Struggling With Transition to Real World

Sources close to Georgetown Heckler founder Justin Droms report that the former editor is having trouble adjusting to post-college life. Jobless and lonely, the Hoya legend known as Corky St. Clair has returned home where his mother makes his bed every day. On weekends she makes him French toast shaped like kegs.

Despite graduating from Georgetown University, Droms has yet to land a job. While the prolific comedy writer blames his failure on the worst job market in years, friends cite other reasons. Apparently, Droms, who insists he be addressed as Corky St. Clair at all times, has been showing up to interviews excessively drunk and in poor personal hygiene.

Lloyd Giardino of Goldman Sachs recalls his interview with Droms: “Generally we have found Georgetown grads more than competent and have hired them with a relatively high frequency. When a large, smelly man in rags stumbled into my office and proceeded to urinate on my desk, I assumed it was a homeless man looking for booze, so I picked up my phone to call security. Then he stuck out his hand and introduced himself as ‘Droms, founder of the Heckler.’ I didn’t follow at first, but then I realized that this was Justin Droms, interviewing for our junior investment banker program. I was willing to go on with the interview anyway, until he took off his shirt and chugged the bottle of scotch I keep in my cabinet.”

Our former editor’s problems have even crossed into the legal sphere. He is currently under investigation for the theft of an airplane life vest and has a restraining order against him, requiring he stay at least 100 yards away from Olga of Manny and Olga’s Pizza.