Calculus Professor Learns English

In a stunning first for the Georgetown Math Department, calculus professor Dong Choi has decided to learn to speak English for this fall semester. The Math Department, which has traditionally upheld a policy of mumbling in a sort of jumbled Chinese and English, it’s like Spanglish but with Chinese, seems to be establishing a precedent amongst the faculty of the various sciences taught on the Hilltop.

The Math Department released the following statement, “We have decided that incomprehensible math teachers burbling idiotically at the blackboard and then laughing sporadically at jokes that only they understand is a thing of the past.”

Student reactions have been decidedly mixed. While some students, namely those with an ‘SFS’ designation following their names, have been happy about the chance to learn more from these English speaking professors, others have spoken out against the change. Tom Davenport (MSB ’07) says, “I took Calc One because I heard that the teacher just taught with his back to the class the whole time and mumbled like a moron. It was gonna be great, totally screwing around in the back of class, getting girls’ phone numbers like the pimp I am…but now I guess I actually have to learn something.”

Whether or not English speaking professors are here to stay, and whether this move will spread to other departments, still remains to be seen. As of press time, the Association of Economics TA’s had no comment, or at least no comment that anyone could understand.