Just when you thought the members of the GU Philodemic Society were the most misguided souls on campus, Georgetown student protesters have announced that they are suing the wind, complaining that it is suppressing their free speech by blowing down their anti-war posters. Students voiced their grievances in DC court this morning following yesterday’s “Full-Blown... »
Archive for April, 2003
GU Protesters Sue the Wind
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
Carmello Anthony Leaves Syracuse for MBA
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
2003 NCAA Tournament MVP Carmello Anthony announced Friday that he will leave Syracuse after his freshman year for an MBA. His Master’s of Business Administration degree should prove to be a valuable asset and will most likely lead to gainful employment at a top investment bank. This news comes as no surprise to basketball fans,... »
‘Club 196-89-7009’ Becomes Official GU Student Organization
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
Last night, Georgetown hosted the first meeting for the Hilltop’s newest student organization, Club 196-89- 7009. The club is targeting Georgetown students with the Social Security number 196-89-7009. “The turnout for the meeting was a bit scarce,” says founder Tom Davenport, the club’s founder. “But, we think the $500 from SAC, free copier usage, and... »
OP-ED: Fashionably Late: No Longer Fashionable?
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
Hi, my name is Ronald M. Deegan and I’m a sophomore here at Georgetown. I haven’t always been the most popular kid (lets just say I know what its like to have tacos and pies “accidentally fall on you”). Anyway, my father is a prominent lawyer in New York and he recently signed a... »
OP-ED: Bungee Jumping Is Today's Version of Natural Selection
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
With the advent of modern medicine, the availability of a nutritious diet, and our relatively danger-free lives, Darwin’s theories about evolution seemed to be all but obsolete in the twentieth century…until a few tie-dyed douche bags decided to start jumping off bridges with huge rubber bands tied around their ankles. That’s right, folks: bungee... »
Nation Prepares for Georgetown Day Celebrations
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
NEW YORK – Officials stockpiled wooden barricades today throughout Manhattan in preparation for next week’s long-anticipated Georgetown Day celebrations. Security is being stepped up in all major American cities as plans are finalized for Tuesday’s festivities. Authorities in across the country have expressed safety concerns because attendance figures are expected to reach well into the... »
Top Ten Signs That It's Almost Summer
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
1. Red Square reeks of liberals’ sweaty Birkenstocks. 2. Freshman football players finally find the library. 3. You eat 8 meals a day in New South to use up the 37 remaining meals from your 45-meal program…you then develop typhoid. 4. Still, no one knows what the hell a “provost” does. 5. The weather is so warm that... »
Georgetown IM Conversations
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
SweetHoya69: Yo, bro. Could you remember to bring my lax stick when you come over? GU05: Yeah. I’ll make a mental note of it. SweetHoya69: Ok. Cool, bro. GU05: Oh fuck…I can’t find any mental pens. HoyaSaxa!: Hey, what are you up to? HarbinRockStar: CUITFPOTFCBIHNFASWTB HoyaSaxa!: What? HarbinRockStar: Curled Up In The Fetal Position On The Floor Crying Because I Have... »
DeGioia Fervently Backs Private Viewing Booth Installation
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
In an attempt to keep up with the growing trend of sexual freedom in American universities, Georgetown administrators have decided to install eight private viewing booths (PVBs) on campus. The PVBs, which will allow students and faculty to privately pleasure themselves to the tune of adult videos, will be installed directly adjacent to the... »
Baghdad’s Recent Blackout Due To Long Night of Drinking at Local Bar
Sunday, April 6th, 2003
Reports are streaming in from Iraq that Baghdad was blacked out last night. Although preliminary details are hazy, it has been alleged that Baghdad was seen at a bar earlier in the night pounding shots and chasing them with tequila sunrises. Baghdad then mumbled something about ordering Domino’s Chicken Kickers and disappeared. Sources add that... »
