President George W. Bush abruptly pulled American troops out of the Persian Gulf region, effectively ending Operation Iraqi Freedom, because of Georgetown students’ valiant protests in Red Square. The war in Iraq had raged for several days when Bush made the call. The decision to pull out was made after receiving word that as many... »
Archive for March, 2003
Bush Halts War Because of Red Square Protests
Monday, March 24th, 2003
Saddam Gets Serious About Looking Great For Spring
Monday, March 24th, 2003
It was clear to anyone watching Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein’s televised speech last Wednesday that he was dead serious…about looking great for the spring season! Watch out fashion fans, or you might get Saddamized. The timeless style of Hussein lies in his simplistic focus on ensemble-oriented dressing. His newest addition: a stylish black beret, which... »
Georgetown Anorexics Declare Hunger Strike for Peace in Iraq
Monday, March 24th, 2003
In response to recent waves of protest against an impending declaration of war against Iraq, a coalition of Georgetown anorexics have declared a hunger strike for peace. The leader of the group, a freshman girl who is has eaten only jello and ice water for every meal since Christmas, spoke to The Georgetown Heckler of... »
GUSA Overthrown in Bloody Coup
Monday, March 24th, 2003
Georgetown University, usually a picture of serenity high above metropolitan Washington, was the site of mass chaos yesterday as a popular uprising overthrew the student governing body, killing dozens. The mob marched through campus for most of the night and into the early morning, carrying torches and pikes adorning the heads of slain GUSA... »
Esherick to Implement ‘Shock and Awe’ Strategy in NIT
Monday, March 24th, 2003
Georgetown Men’s Basketball Head Coach Craig Esherick told reporters today that he is planning on implementing a “Shock and Awe” strategy in order to win the NIT basketball tournament this March. “I’ve been thinking about it,” Esherick said, “and I made up the term ‘Shock and Awe’ to describe how I want to play this... »
New Study: More Sun Equals More Fun
Monday, March 24th, 2003
A study by the Georgetown University Medical Association of Oncology reports that the amount of fun had on Spring Break is directly proportional to the amount of sun exposure attained. “More sun does seem to equal more fun,” said a spokesman. The study stems from the theory that the tanner you are upon returning from... »
Housing Crisis Solved As South East Quadrangle Opens
Monday, March 24th, 2003
Students who have been left in limbo after being denied housing for next year can take a sigh of relief. Rising Georgetown upperclassmen will be provided housing in the University’s new ‘South East Quadrangle’ located in the heart of crime-riddled South East Washington, DC. Students’ prayers have been answered by the least likely source. The... »
Panel of GU History Professors Discuss the Sack of Rome
Monday, March 24th, 2003
In the wake of the decision to go to war with Iraq, a panel of Georgetown University history professors spoke last night in ICC Auditorium about the historical significance of the sack of Rome, and warned of the similarities to the United States’ current situation. “That was a particularly huge sack,” said Dr. Al Kamen... »
