Top Ten Things to Do On Healy Lawn

1. Sacrifice a lamb to the omnipotent Judy Johnson of the Office of Student Conduct
2. Pretend that Lauinger Library is not the ugliest building ever created by mankind
3. Burn Coach Esherick in effigy
4. Pretend like you’re not masturbating as the girls lacrosse team walks home from practice
5. Fall in and out of seizures produced by Pavlovian conditioning as the Healy bells ring
6. Scalp tickets to the all-too-frequent speeches by obscure South American dignitaries in Gaston Hall (Tip: the best customers are Gucci-clad SFS students that love acting ‘cultured’)
7. Walk on the dead, muddy grass that you know will grow back if assholes like you would just stop walking on it
8. Say the ‘F’ word in front of a tour full of Georgetown hopefuls, feel cool because your parents aren’t there
9. Streak as Birkenstock-wearing government majors look on in disgust
10. Have an awkward conversation with a professor
11. Summon the Devil, freak out Jesuits