Iraq Accused of Importing Uranium Rods and Poles

Chief UN Weapons Inspector Hans Blix announced today that Iraq has been importing uranium rods and poles in an effort to build weapons of mass destruction.

“We know that Iraq has tried to acquire a couple of rods recently. A couple of the rods are long and thin, some are shorter and harder. A couple of days ago I found a massive rod in a Presidential Palace and it was all wet around the top, indicating that it may have been used recently. This was one of the biggest rods I’ve ever seen.”

UN Nuclear Inspector Muhammad Al-Baradei also has found some rods in Iraq.

“We found a huge, thick, pulsing rod hidden in a damp hole near Baghdad. The rod was deep in the hole, just stuck so far in that moist hole, that we had a hard time pulling the rod out.”

Several poles have also been found in Iraq. “We found an amazingly long and thin pole near the Tigris River,” said Blix. “This pole was long, thin, and lean.”

US President George W. Bush said the presence of rods and poles in Iraq is “troubling.”

Tom Davenport (CAS ’03) criticized the Iraqi regime for leaving their rods out in the open. “I have a rod and I always keep it hidden. I would never leave my rod out in the open, bobbing up and down for everyone to see.”