Hoya Sports Roundup: The Spring in Preview

Monday, February 10, 2003
By Nacho Alabaster

Springtime on the Hilltop is approaching, and this time of year is forever associated with the triumph of GU’s athletic squads. Here’s what we can expect this spring from our sports teams…as only The Heckler could tell it.

Men’s Basketball
This spring March Madness is going to take on a whole new meaning: Everyone on the hilltop is going to go mad when March rolls around…but only because we’ll be seeing our hoops squad at Rhino’s chasing tail instead of chasing better coached teams on NBC.

Men’s Lacrosse
Turns out what I originally thought was an organized “sweetness” contest, is actually an organized sport that boasts a loyal fan base of 46 Caucasians who went to boarding schools.  Areas the squad looks to improve upon this season:
1. Getting more players to wear visors around campus.
2. Getting freshmen girls even drunker
3. Coming up with new and creative nicknames for each other, all using “dogg” as a suffix (ie, Chet-Dogg)
4. Start bragging sooner about being in the national top 10, when there are only 16 teams in the whole country (to put that in perspective, that is like bragging about being in the national top 249 in hoops, which sadly, I don’t think I can grant the basketball Hoyas)
5. Trying to figure out why they have more male groupies following them around than female ones

Football
Another crucial spring training camp for the Hoyas. Some things the Gridiron boys are looking to improve upon this year:
1. Finally getting to the point where they can stop answering the question “Georgetown has a football team?”
2. Making a concerted effort to start traveling across campus in groups smaller than 50 people
3. Break more things in people’s houses who have parties
4. Increasing “party/drinking/macking” vocabulary beyond monosyllabic grunts
5. Get groupies, no matter how fucking ugly
6. Enforce the dress code for going to class (mesh shorts and sleeveless shirts)
7. Increase game attendance to double digits

Track and Field
Things they are going to work on this spring:
1. Running faster