Georgetown Remains Open As Apocalypse Nears

Four Horsemen Manifest, Lava Flows, 'Liberal Leave' Policy Enforced

Despite the recent arrival of the Apocalypse and the virtual destruction of all mankind, University Provost James J. O’Donnell has decided that Georgetown University will remain open for business. “I don’t see why we should cancel classes for a little fire and brimstone,” O’Donnell said.

Commuting professors and students expressed anger after calling 687-SNOW to discover that the University remained open in lieu of impending disaster and death. “First they made us come to school when there was 18 inches of ice on every street in town, and now this…Prospect Street is engulfed in lava that the Lord hath wrought! How am I supposed to walk to ICC? This is
total bullshit,” said Tom Davenport (MSB 05) who commutes from Northern Virginia.

Students living in Village A rooftop apartments witnessed the long-anticipated manifestation of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as they rode down from clouds above Roslyn. The Horsemen brought famine, war, and pestilence to hordes of nonbelievers throughout the Washington DC metropolitan area.

“This is unbelievable…my family and friends are dead and now these crazy demons on horses are bestowing the wrath of the Lord upon my fellow classmates and I,” said Davenport. “I can’t believe they didn’t cancel school.”

“I just don’t know how I’m going to finish my Statistics project, my group members have all been inflicted with a flesh-eating plague, and I have no idea what the assignment is,” added Davenport.

The University is strongly considering enforcing its ‘Liberal Leave’ policy, which allows students who hath reaped the wrath of the Lord exemptions from schoolwork and class attendance. All other students are responsible for turning in homework, taking exams, and attending classes as the humankind is judged by the Creator.