OP-ED: I Don’t Want to Not Date You Anymore

The Georgetown “Break-Up” Process

This article goes out to Pamela.  Pam, I’m not dumping you.  In fact, we were never dating.  Granted, I did invite you over to my apartment after we met up at Rhino’s, and we did have sex, many many times, but as any Hoya male will tell you, that does not a date make.

Sure, I bought you a beer at the bar.  Maybe even two, but is that really a relationship?  OK, so this type of thing became regular between us. But I never took you out to dinner or anything.  So there was no date.  There was no dating. What I’m really saying is, I don’t want to not date you anymore.

Taking you home and taking advantage of you is just really becoming too easy, and frankly, I’m bored with the entire process, and your comfort level with me has gotten high enough that other girls who I am trying to hook up with are getting the wrong idea about us.

But, sweet Pamela, fear not. There is life after me…the next time I am in the bar at the same time as you, you will probably be angry to see me flirting with another girl, and she might be cute.  So, you’ll probably get really drunk, and then throw yourself at the feet of some slovenly Marine in the hopes that it will make me jealous.

I know it looks bleak, and that’s why I need to stop not dating you.  Oh, Pam…are you mad??  Well, I certainly don’t think I led you on… No.

So now we have to break up, in the only way I know how.  We’ll pretend to be friends, but deep down, it will always be uncomfortable, because we will both know what a promiscuous little strumpet you are.  So thanks for the offer, but no thank you. I don’t want a girlfriend now, at least not one like you. You give too many mixed signals.