Georgetown University will host a new FOX reality series entitled, “Who wants to get laid by a millionaire survivor when animals attack?” Georgetown and FOX presidents Jack DeGioia and Jack Hanson announced yesterday. The basic premise of the show is as follows: Students will be randomly selected to ensure that the participants on the show... »
Archive for January, 2003
Georgetown Site to Host New Reality Show
Monday, January 27th, 2003
Business Fraternity Hosts Totally Awesome Super Bowl Party
Monday, January 27th, 2003
The business fraternity hosted its annual Super Bowl party on Sunday and, true to form, the party was a huge (and wild) success. “It was absolutely nuts,” organizer Tom Davenport (MSB ’05) told The Heckler. According to Davenport, approximately forty people attended the event, and during the course of the game two entire thirty packs... »
Freshman Football Player Laughs as Professor Says ‘Sects,’ ‘Penalized’
Monday, January 27th, 2003
Football player Tom Davenport (MSB 06) broke out into hysterical laughter Wednesday morning as his history professor used the words ‘sects’ and ‘penalized’ in her lecture on the French Revolution. “All I said was, ‘many sects were penalized,’” stated Dr. Ruth Feminazi. “I was simply trying to explain the bourgeoisie resistance to the debt-ridden French... »
GU Solidarity Torches Dahlgren Chapel
Monday, January 27th, 2003
Members of the Georgetown University student solidarity group set Dahlgren Chapel ablaze yesterday afternoon, gleefully dancing around the quad as the 110-year-old chapel succumbed to the blazing inferno. Members of GU Solidarity started the fire because they were upset with the inconvenient placement of this year’s Easter Sunday holiday. “It’s just not right,” one student... »
Georgetown Jesuits Applauded For Not Molesting People
Monday, January 27th, 2003
Georgetown Jesuits have reaffirmed their reputation as revolutionaries through their unique policy of not molesting students. Georgetown University priests are breaking the mold that defines Catholic priests throughout the world by not molesting people. “Virtually all Catholic priests follow a strict molestation regimen,” said Fr. Bruno Kirby, S.J. “But, here at Georgetown, my fellow Jesuits... »
My Abbreviated Day
Monday, January 27th, 2003
I was walking to ICC from the Caf, when I spotted a GERMS van on its way to the SAC fair. I was then pleasantly surprised when a GUSA rep told me about the ANC meeting concerning MSB students. Some SFS undergrads were upset, but I stopped by Wisey’s on my way to LXR. Next,... »
Top Ten Reasons Why The Georgetown Heckler Sucks
Monday, January 27th, 2003
1. The office is a feces-stained portable toilet outside of the Southwest Quadrangle construction project 2. Staff can’t think of any articles that don’t involve a penis reference 3. Penis 4. Entire staff is really just one dorky fat kid in LXR 5. Georgetown Heckler writers beaten up by writers for The Hoya 6. Georgetown Heckler writers not as... »
You Might Be in the SFS If…
Monday, January 27th, 2003
*You sit in the front row of every class. *Your hand is raised more than its not. *You ask questions which confuse the teacher. *Your questions have little to no relevance to the class discussion. *You’ve ever asked a question to make yourself look smarter than the rest of the class. *Every time you open your mouth the normal... »
OP-ED: I Don’t Want to Not Date You Anymore
Monday, January 27th, 2003
This article goes out to Pamela. Pam, I’m not dumping you. In fact, we were never dating. Granted, I did invite you over to my apartment after we met up at Rhino’s, and we did have sex, many many times, but as any Hoya male will tell you, that does not a date make. Sure,... »
OP-ED: NAMBLA Now
Monday, January 27th, 2003
Four years ago I had to endure the difficult task of selecting a college that would mold me for the rest of my life, both emotionally and spiritually. I chose Georgetown because of its strong academic reputation, Jesuit philosophy, student diversity, and general tolerance to new ideas. However, on the brink of graduation, I cannot... »
