“The Year in Review!”
A discussion with Todd Olson, Vice President for Student Affairs; Robert Gallucci, departing Dean of the School of Foreign Service; and, via Twitter, President Jack DeGioia. Click here for last year’s wrap-up.
Otto Foots: Okay, so I’m here in The Heckler’s main campus headquarters in the Tunnels with Todd Olson and Robert Gallucci, and we’re sending everything we say to President DeGioia, who is sitting in the next room over, so he can reply to us through his new Twitter account. Thanks for being here.
Robert Gallucci: No prob, bro.
Todd Olson: It’s my pleasure. Nice and dark down here. You can do things underground
you can’t do up there in the light.
you can’t do up there in the light.OF: Right, well I have to—
Jack DeGioia: @OttoFoots Great to be here with my colleagues and Twitter friends!
OF: Thanks, President DeGioia. First I’d like to ask you all about the norovirus outbreak last fall. Did that take you at all by surprise?
TO: Well, considering our lax restrictions on student drinking, student sex, students talking to one another, and everything else, no. But if I were president of the university, I think we can all agree that wouldn’t have happened.
RG: It didn’t take me by surprise because I think I was the one who gave it to that slutty freshman girl at the IRC party who passed it on to everybody else. That’s right, the Looch said it, I started the norovirus outbreak! And I don’t give a shit who knows, ‘cause I’m out of here in like a week! WE DID IT, SENIORS!
OF: What do you all think—
JDG: @OttoFoots It did. Was surprised by how quick it spread.
JDG: @OttoFoots But we’ve made amends by kicking students out of a house to be used for the quarantine in our non-existent swine flu outbreak.
OF: What do you all think happened to the basketball team this year?
TO: They were probably tempted by alcohol and sex, which should surprise me because I’ve managed to avoid both, but apparently a lot of people can’t do that, despite being human beings and having the ability to.
RG: Dude, I don’t know. I was all, “ooh, it’s my last year at Georgetown, and it looks like I might see a championship run,” but they just fell apart. It hurts. Thankfully they have lots of beer for us at Senior Week to drown our sorrows.
OF: Now, the graffiti that showed—
JDG: @OttoFoots I have faith in our team and the fact that we pay John Thompson II more than both me and his son.
OF: Thank you. This semester we had a lot of graffiti show up around campus before DPS apparently arrested the person responsible. What has this done to the campus community?
TO: Now I’m going to have to use some foul language here. This meanie—again, sorry for that word—this meanie came around in the night and did all this stuff to our statues and our elevators and our naked bodies in the dreams we’ve had about him every night for months, and it’s about time he was brought to justice so an administrator like me can get him alone in a room and hold him responsible for doing all these naughty, naughty, sex- and alcohol-fueled things to our campus.
JDG: @OttoFoots Just terrible. We’ve been working for months on an appropriate response.
RG: Yeah, this fucker goes around campus and ruins our last semester on the Hilltop! We’re just having fun, you know? Our TAs are all over our asses about writing the final paper topic for our last class at Georgetown, but we’re just trying to hang out with our bros and improve our beer pong skills before we have to head out in the real world and get a job at the State Department or a think tank or a non-profit or whatever. Real happy they caught that fucker.
JDG: @OttoFoots We’re establishing three or four working groups, and I think that should be enough to fix the issue.
OF: Wait, President DeGioia, how did you know what my next question was before I asked it? For you other two: What is the University doing to address the Hoya April Fool’s controversy, and do you think it’s enough?
RG: Dude, I don’t know, I don’t even want to think about stuff like that right now. My brain just wants to relax. WE DID IT, SENIORS! WOOOOOO!
TO: I mean, someone should do something to him he won’t forget. Like, spank him. His parents never spanked him, that’s the problem, and he needs an administrator to cuff him, bend him over, pull down those paint-stained jeans, and give his tender, firm butt a nice slap or two or forever.
OF: Thanks, everyone. I look forward to and wish you good luck in the next year.
TO: Ooomphguuuuhguuuuhguuuuuuhguuuuuuuuuh.
RG: Fuck yes.
JDG: @OttoFoots No, that was still about the last topic.
JDG: @OttoFoots For the April Fool’s thing, we’re establishing three or four working groups, and I think that should be enough to fix the issue.
JDG: @OttoFoots Thank you! :)
