Less Money Mo Problems
Remember how we promised you a check for the last issue that we promised we would sponsor? Yeah, we’re not giving you one. Hah. That’s what you get when you try to deal with the Stewards, motherfucker! Wait, not the Stewards. We’re not the Stewards. We didn’t mean that. We’re the Georgetown Events Committee. The GEC. The GEC. Us being a secretive conservative campus organization does not mean we’re a secret society, that’s just crazy. Anyway, your names will be smeared in blood on the clocktower. Good luck with your humor magazine.
– The Stewards The GEC
We just started our own secret society. We break into the dorm rooms of members of other secret societies and steal their boxes of antique-looking plastic keys. We then melt those down, and after that we can’t tell you what we do.
Hi Jack,
I want to thank you for all of the hard work you put into your Reimagine Georgetown proposal. Unfortunately, we are unable to award your proposal a grant this year. We had many strong proposals, and I wish we could have given money to all of them.
The board really likes The Heckler and wants to see it succeed. We feel that money is not necessarily what The Heckler needs right now.
Looking forward to the next issue of The Heckler.
Best,
Kayte
Your idea is fantastic, and I know you will be successful in reaching your goals. If you have questions or I can be of assistance in the future, please let me know.
Thanks,
Kayte
We do need money! We’re poor! Give us money! Give us money! Spellcheck says you spelled “Reimagine” incorrectly! Which of these two concluding sections did you actually mean to send me?! Aaargh!
