The Georgetown Heckler
 
Todd Olson for GUSA President (This is satire. The actual endorsement is in this month’s video.) If there’s one thing we’ve learned this year, it’s that the VP for Student Affairs is completely out of touch with the student body. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from the history of GUSA, it’s that they can’t and won’t stand up to the administration. The ranks of the leadership of this University is way too bloated, and if GUSA continues to be complacent, they’re unnecessary too. Let’s just cut the bullshit and make Todd Olson GUSA president. In the wake of this year’s race for president of the United States, a huge slew of candidates have entered the GUSA race. You have to vote for 18 people this year or your ballot doesn’t count. It’s hard enough to enough to educate yourself about ranking 4 or 6 candiates, let alone 18, but this year’s slew of candidates have made things even harder by failing (yet again) to differentiate themselves. They all seem to be taking a page from Barack Obama, trying to run on a message of “change.” The problem is, though, that none of them are willing to actually back that up by fully standing up to the administration. People who run for GUSA President are not actually looking to take the risks that transformational change require, but are looking for a line on their resume or popularity among the student body. GUSA is powerless. The administration lets GUSA have one or two accomplishments each year, then they get rid of them a couple of years later. That’s not power. That’s not even influence. The only way real change can happen is if the student who becomes GUSA president uses his or her bully pulpit to unite the student body, get some leverage over the administration, and shame them into giving us some power over our own affairs. I’ve looked at the field and only one man can make real change, even if it is harmful: Todd Olson. Todd Olson will be the geekiest, sketchiest, most aloof GUSA President in the history of Georgetown. But he will also be the most effective GUSA President in the history of Georgetown. Without having to pretend to listen to a GUSA president, Olson can do whatever he wants more efficiently. We can still protest him or write editorials against him, and actually it might be effective. Olson will no longer have justification to say that the students approve of his actions because our GUSA leaders are acting like pussies. And when he gets elected, I want him to bring it on. Just do what you’ve been planning on, Todd; no more gradual change. I want you to destroy our social lives. Ban any kind of alcohol consumption by anyone on campus or in university housing, and kick everyone out of school that ever seems drunk. Make talking to other students punishable by work sanction hours. Hire new DPS officers and assign one to each student to watch them 24/7 to make sure they’re studying as long as they physically can. Hire extra Leo’s staff so they can hand-feed us our food. Make sure we get treated like infants in everything we do. Then you’ll have the university you want and your students will start to live, think, and feel like you did when you were in college. We deserve Todd Olson as our GUSA president.
 
 
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