Alcohol policy! Todd Olson. Alcohol policy!

 

– Martin Thompson (COL ‘10)

 

Ok. Yeah, we know. We don’t like it either. It’s not good for the university. We agree with you all.

 

 

Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy. Alcohol policy.

 

 

SHUT UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP. WRITE TO US ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. THERE ARE OTHER THINGS GOING ON.

 

 

Dear Stupid Little Assfucks,

 

I read your little New Student Guide parody this summer. Real fucking cute. “Creepy and boring,” eh? Well you just wait. You think the provost doesn’t do anything all day? Well congratulations, you little shits, you’re right. You know what that means? I am going to make your lives a living hell. I’m going to go to every class that you’re in and refute anything you say in the discussion. I’m going to follow you to parties on the weekends and write you and all your friends up with alcohol violations. And later this year, when DeGioia’s Volvo “accidentally” gets forced off the Key Bridge, I am going to become THE MOST POWERFUL PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY. Consider yourselves expelled, fuckers, and good luck getting into another place of higher education. “What up do’ man, what da Provost do?” THE PROVOST KICKS ASS, THAT’S WHAT HE DOES. Watch yourselves; I am a former president of the American Philological Association  (entirely uncompensated and unreimbursed).

 

– Dr. Jim O’Donnell

Provost

 

Hey Jim. Guess what I saw the other day? Someone got busted picking up a gay prostitute in Georgetown. That’s got to make you uncomfortable.

 

 

Dear Jack,

 

My name is Heat Her Mag Innise, and I currently work as the Assistant Director of Student Programs at the Center for Student Programs. It has come to my attention that you have posted a fake letter that purported to be written by the Provost of the University. I am very concerned that you have once again implicated notable leadership without permission. While Dr. O’Donnell does purchase the services of male escorts on a regular basis and has created detailed plans for assassinating President DeGioia, students are only allowed to print this information if they are a Media Board funded organization and have gotten permission from us (though we do realize we will never give out such permission). Since we have denied your application to be a university humor magazine and your application to be an Argentine tango club, you are not allowed to print this information. Please remove it immediately.

 

– Heat Her A., Mag Innise

Assistant Director of Student Programs

Center for Student Programs

 

It has been removed, Heat Her. We’re glad to give you something to do.