fromtheeditor

The Georgetown Heckler

DeGioia’s Newfound Fame
The Heckler Salutes Our President

“Scum.” “Cocksucker.” “An embarrassment to Roman Catholicism.” These are just a few of the ways that Georgetown President John J. DeGioia was described before the day that will be forever remembered on our campus as, simply, “8/26.”

It is already becoming hard for us to remember what life was like before DeGioia gave that Convocation speech August 26. People did not think much of him, that’s for sure. Some even said that DeGioia should have shown respect to the incoming freshmen by taking time to write a new speech, not reciting the same one he has told new students seven straight years. DeGioia proved them wrong; the speech was never bad, he just needed to say it enough years in a row until people listened.
And this time, they did. Within hours of the speech, dozens of Facebook groups praising the speech and DeGioia were created by the new freshmen. A day later, bootleg family videos of the address sprouted up on YouTube. In just a week, millions had seen the speech online. Major media outlets began to pick up the story, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Pundits have given many explanations as to why DeGioia’s speech has gone viral. Some say it was his intrepid use of colored stickers and making the students that had them on their programs stand up. They note that college students all over the county have been feverishly buying out office supply stores of the circular stickers to display the new fashion on notebooks, jeans, and sexual organs. “My penis has a yellow sticker on it, representing the 438 million people that contract malaria every year,” Marcos Menendez (SFS ’11) told me in his New South room Saturday night. Others, perhaps with a touch of cynicism, say that DeGioia is just popular because he’s a scantily clad star of a sexy Internet video, a hallmark of the nation’s collective fetish for short, bald, sketchy-looking men with glasses.
Whatever the reason, our president continues to stay modest. DeGioia is pretty hip and popular with kids today, but that does not mean he spends all his time out partying. He only spends four or five nights a week at parties.
Some have said that DeGioia is just a little opportunist-piece-of-shit university bureaucrat. They have been proven wrong. DeGioia has truly inspired the nation and young people everywhere, in a way nobody thought possible.

Otto Foots

From the Editor