Here’s my epic laser tag point-counterpoint.
I wrote this in either my second or third week at The Onion. I had a little trouble at first coming up with the cornball tone of Will Gallant, but then I came across some of the message boards of adult enthusiasts and a review of some laser tag place in California by a dad. Oh boy.
The second part was tough too. I had to almost completely rewrite it on the second draft because it read like a play-by-play of Will’s actions rather than a speech by this laser tag employee, and even in the second draft it wasn’t quite up to par. I don’t think the jokes hit as hard as in the first draft, but the piece is better overall for fitting in with this guy’s voice.
Tie that laces of both boots plus walk around. Stand about the balls of your feet. If your feet do not move around an excess of and your heel would not slip, then you probably have the right fit.